The Dark Side of the Moon

10:05 Tuesday, 7 April 2026
Current Wx: Temp: 25.43°F Pressure: 1026hPa Humidity: 70% Wind: 18.61mph
Words: 685

Some heavy seas here lately. There's an old saying, "One hand for the man, one hand for the ship," and what that refers to is the challenge of moving about on a ship at sea when you're never certain you won't take a sudden roll, especially in heavy seas. So you try to always keep one hand free to steady or catch yourself as the ship moves. Anyway, I haven't had a hand for the marmot lately.

Today was supposed to be the day when one of my sisters met with a nurse from a home health aide service to develop a "care plan" for an additional aide we were bringing on for Mom. Yesterday we learned that the aide who was supposed to be available is not now.

A sad and added complication is that the sister who was going to meet with the nurse is now confronting a significant health issue within her family, which will demand most of her attention, so the local available sibling support has been diminished by a third.

We are still confronted with the requirement from every agency that I've spoken to for a 4-hour daily minimum. I understand the reason for that requirement, but it doesn't marry up with our needs. Since we were likely looking at having to accept that minimum, I began to look at the cost of assisted living.

For now, the cost of one highly rated assisted living facility that I spoke to is roughly the cost of Mom's present rent plus 6 hours of home health aide care, it does not include the cost of the assistance she requires in "activities of daily living." An accurate estimate would require a visit, but I described Mom's condition and the types of care she's receiving now and they're going to send me some additional information with a ballpark estimate of the care cost.

I have been playing phone tag with another facility, also highly regarded, which may be somewhat more affordable.

In either case, my back-of-the-envelop calculations suggest that assisted living is not out of the question for Mom.

At least financially.

My siblings agree that Mom needs more help.

My siblings feel that Mom should remain in her current apartment, where she is comfortable and has at least something of a social network.

Even with an additional four hours of service, only four days a week, Mom will require regular assistance from my two remaining siblings who already feel as though they are doing as much as they can. That will be relieved somewhat by the additional care, but by no means entirely, and home health aides get holidays off.

In addition, the cost of the additional home health aide will be borne mostly by me, because I'm the only one with the resources to do so.

So, phone calls and texts, and advice that, "It's not what you're saying, it's how you're saying it," and we are dead in the water.

I don't want to move Mom. But if I'm going to be spending that kind of money, I'd rather do it for a solution that addresses all of her needs, and relieves my siblings of all of their burdens and obligations, plus I will know that there is someone there on staff 24/7 who will respond to emergencies. Mom doesn't have to try to get Siri to call my brother or my sister when she's lying on the floor. My sister doesn't have to call her boyfriend, who's a former EMT, to help lift her off the floor.

One of my sisters, the remaining caregiver, has said she's going to ask Mom what she wants to do. I've suggested that Mom doesn't get a vote. That sounds harsh, and maybe it is. But we are looking at moving her someplace else eventually. My brother's take is that anything could happen between now and then, i.e. she could die, and therefore we needn't cross that bridge until we come to it.

And I feel like I'm getting a glimpse of the dark side of the moon.

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